Below is a transcription of the Dossiers recovered by Agent V following his break in of the KFP Hatchery
Title

From V:

UN001 is... FOOD?? Wait no, Kotori Hat? That's not food but I don't know what the kids are eating these days.
I’ve heard about this. They call it The Hat-chery. That's what I'm looking for.
Is that chirping? In the Kotori Hat Box?...
Oh, I see, they forgot about you too huh?
Just be a good girl and keep your flame burning bright, okay? 
Everything is going to be just fine. 
Read the dossier below and vote on the next file.
Title

ITEM: KFP-UN001 "KOTORI HAT" 

Description: A cute, stylish baseball cap featuring KFP's Kotori mascot. Only 100% high quality cotton canvas detected in its composition, with no anomalous materials, no matter how much the Research Division argues otherwise. Regular quality control testing reveals completely normal, yet stylish and exceptionally cute, hat specifications. Item is suspected of tampering with measurement instrumentation. Standard issue to all KFP Class H Team Members and taller Class C Team Members.

 

Composition Analysis: Internal examination conducted when hat was distracted revealed trace compositions consistent with phoenix molt(see Protocol UN001-M). Origin of materials remains unclear. Management, Tenchou, and the Research Division all disagree on the philosophical and health code conundrums associated with these findings, but have all agreed that the hat is cute enough that it doesn’t matter.

Notable Observations:

  • Multiple reports of Kotori mascot's head position varying between observations
  • Wearers report enhanced awareness of approaching management, but diminished awareness of approaching Tenchou
  • Multiple reports of it never being located where it was placed. Teleportation suspected. Research Division refuses to acknowledge any correlation with their own misplaced coffee cups or car keys.
  • Testing equipment consistently reports 'just a normal hat' despite obvious irregularities. Research Division members repeatedly escorted from facility by security after equipment manufacturers claim 'waste of resources'  and “this is the 5th time how did you get in here you were banned from this part of the facility”
  • Flappy ears wings. Flappy. Ear. Wings.

 

Incident Log KFP-UN001-442:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Team Member C-4624 reported hat "giving them a look" after attempting to microwave fried poultry in the break room. Subsequent review of security footage shows only normal hat behavior. Staff reassigned to The Eternal Flame kitchen.

 

Incident Log KFP-UN001-556:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Hat discovered in Research Division testing facility despite Team Member C-7832 claiming to have put it in their locker. Security footage shows no evidence of movement. Hat returned to staff lockers and reassigned to another Team Member, as C-7832 no longer needed it. Hat was discovered 4 additional times in Research Division testing facility and reassigned to 4 different Team Members before it was left in the facility out of frustration.

 

Additional notes:

  • Multiple witnesses report observing hats emerging fully-formed from the Team Member locker room. Designation "Hat-chery" applied after Team Member C-1123 witnessed what they described as "a nest of caps being tended to by a larger hat." All attempts to locate this room have resulted in discovering perfectly normal storage lockers. This “Hat-chery” seems to shift from location to location, and the pattern of when or where it moves has not yet been determined. 
  • Management seems to be interested only insofar as how much this spontaneous replication lowers the Team Member uniform budget.