ITEM: KFP-KT001 "KIKKER-KIRI" 

Description: A beautiful, 8-inch kitchen knife featuring a Phoenix Damascus VG10 steel composition, like phoenix flames caught in steel, and a colorful handle that bears a striking resemblance to tenchou’s own sword. Material analysis the fiery steel has enhanced edge retention, and is hardened to 61 HRC, which Quality Control enthusiastically notes “beats the CLUCK out of” common knives at 55HRC. Research Division maintains that none of that matters, because it has a beautiful “kireaji” 切れ味, or “flavor of the cut”.

Notable Observations:

• Prep work completed with blade demonstrates impossible efficiency rates and smoothness. Notably, Team Members without opposable thumbs were particularly enthusiastic about the easier to handle knife.
• Team Members report severely increased cooking enthusiasm, particularly in regards to cutting objects, often to degrees considered highly suspect and worrying to management.
• Reports of “food being so scared of the blade sharpness it splits apart before blade contact” remain unfounded, with no ample security footage able to prove such an event.
• Research Division emphasizes blade versatility for all kitchen tasks, and kitchen tasks only, noting Quality Control’s wasteful testing budget with “high speed, low drag testing”.
• Special techniques that can only be activated upon yelling the name of the technique are strictly prohibited. Cleaning Department notes that while impressive, the resulting collateral damage to kitchen equipment and eyebrows is "excessive and entirely unnecessary for food preparation.” Management has occasionally disagreed, citing “but it’s really cool”.
• STRICTLY HAND WASH ONLY. Dishwashers have been known to experience "concerning malfunctions" ranging from falling apart in a thousand pieces to “extra crispy” events.
• The 2-millimeter spine tapers to what Quality Control insists is "0.2 millimeters behind the edge, though measuring tools tend to melt before confirming." Several testing instruments have reportedly "wept with joy" when attempting to measure the kireaji.

Incident Log KFP-KT001-89:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Research Team attempted comparison testing with Tenchou's original blade. Testing canceled after three members spontaneously combusted, and it was revealed that Research Division’s C-9873 did not, in fact, receive permission to touch Tenchou’s sword.

Incident Log KFP-KT001-334:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Team Member C-5563 achieved impossible prep speeds during dinner rush, and has remained missing after the incident. They have continued to receive tardiness and absentee warnings during their unapproved absence. Security footage is inconclusive, as a red-orange glow blocked the camera lens after Team Member C-5563’s speed increase. An excess of ash was noted by managers during cleanup. See related: Standard Incident 4683.23.

Incident Log KFP-KT001-869:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Team Member C-82645 placed knife in dishwasher. Resulting incident classified as "extra crispy." HR notes all theoretical medical expenses would have been covered by the theoretical insurance.

Incident Log KFP-KT001-3115:
Date: ██/██/24

Notes: Team Member H-5532's hammer grip resulted in such erratic knife control that ingredients began taking offense. Security footage shows tomatoes, onions, and other produce disappearing in small puffs of flame and ash after particularly disrespectful cuts, only to reappear moments later completely whole, as if demanding proper technique. Incident escalated when entire prep station's ingredients simultaneously combusted indignantly, nearly causing the entire building to become “extra crispy”. Research Division notes this is first recorded instance of "ingredient-initiated quality control." Team Member sent to the usual room. Co-workers now demonstrates perfect grip technique and concerning tendency to apologize to produce before cutting. Chief Bladesmith's only comment: "At least they didn't use a pull-through sharpener."

Additional Notes:

• Knife sharpening procedures revised weekly; blades somehow dulled through certain maintenance procedures. Chief bladesmith has threatened resignation an average of 6.24 times per week, citing “it’s literally a skill issue, stop using pull through sharpeners and those weird rolling things”.
• Electric pull-through sharpeners spontaneously combust when approaching knife. Chief bladesmith considers this an “appropriate response" and “really i don’t think that’s enough pain for those terrible things”.
• Accounting department questions why knife budget lists "phoenix feathers" as recurring expense. Accounting department answered to stop asking questions if they wish to remain employed.
• Management insists proper term for Standard Incident 4683.23 is "extra crispy," not "spontaneous combustion,” but that either one requires separate incident reports and fire extinguisher logs.