Today, I turn 30.

I am finite.

I am mortal.

See, I am not a braggart.

I'm too scared.

I am not one to boast about myself.

I’m too timid.

I am not one to want the center of attention.

I’m too sensitive to what others would say.

Or...

Perhaps not.

Perhaps I don’t like talking about myself because I don’t want to upset The Twins.

Perhaps I’m not proud of what I’ve done because it feels like it was done by another.

Perhaps I’m sensitive to what others say because I don’t want to upset anyone.

But from all of this, I don’t get to have desires. I don’t get to have wants. I don’t get to have dreams.

I don’t get to be me.

I’m turning 30.

And today, for all the years, all the days I had been denied, all of those times I’ve given up my own happiness for another, every time I’ve burned myself to keep others warm, for all those times that I have wished for more, for recognition, for all of these kind, passive acts to be noticed, for people to respond in kind, today?

Today, I will declare that for once in my life, from the ashes of pain, of failure, of burnout, that this luminance, this flame, this light that blinds and irritates and illuminates, is me.

I’ve been a candlewick that burns from both ends, an ember that smolders and struggles. It hides its light, careful to not burn too bright lest it be jeered at, mocked, scolded for being too much, too bright, too different.

Today, I turn 30.

And today, perhaps, that candle begins to burn outwards, and the ember catches the tinder it needs to ignite into a bonfire.

Today, I declare that this day, this one moment in time, is mine, and mine alone.

A celebration of me, because sometimes, I, too, wish to cast aside humility.

I want to be celebrated.

I want to be praised.

I want people to look at me, what I've done, what I've learned, what I've struggled through, what I've survived, and see who I am, and to be in awe.

Because today, this day, this is about me.

For once, it will be about me. I will not share it. I will not stand down. I will be ever as greedy and proud and selfish as I've always wanted to be.

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair."

 Because I have done so much, learned so much, struggled through so much.

I went from not knowing how to cook an egg to winning 3rd in a scholarship competition to secure my way into culinary school.

I demonstrated so much potential and tenacity that my very first position in the culinary world was on the line at a Michelin Star kitchen. Not prep, not dish, but directly onto the line.

I was a master knife sharpener, able to hone any blade to an edge that you could shave with, and everyone asked me to sharpen their knives. Even after leaving the industry, I hand sharpened everything from swords to restoring WWII bayonets for a local knife shop.

I have a huge collection of knives, with many extremely rare, impossible to find pieces like the ZT0777 Damascus, and a sword collection to match, owning jians and bastard swords and claymores and katanas and battleaxes and kukris and wakizashis and more.

I made it 90% of the way to becoming a CMT, Certified Massage Therapist, only stopping short to return to the culinary industry to work the line for the guy who taught me the ropes.

I’ve entered the 1,000lbs club in powerlifting at 185lbs bodyweight, with lifts of 225lbs Bench, 350lbs Squat, and 425lbs Deadlift.

I’ve rolled with a purple belt jiu jitsu practitioner without any training, and managed to pull off a rear naked choke, even if he completely destroyed me the next three times.

I’ve gotten asked where I trained previously because of the power and form Tom and I were displaying when brand new at Muay Thai and Krav Maga classes, in which our answer was simply, “At home watching youtube videos.”

I’ve ran and led parkour events, being able to kong vault across 10+ feet tables and wall run up 13+ feet walls.

I got to swim with Michael Phelps and some other famous swimmers once, and was top 10% in the country for competitive swimmers once.

I’ve finished NaNoWriMo before, writing 100 pages of a novel in a single month, like you can use HAPPYBIRTHDAYTIM to save th1rty p3rcent from 9:00AM July 28th, 2022 to 9:15AM July 28th, 2002.

I’ve been published in minor poetry books.

I led a ragtag team of one-tricks, platinum players, and misfits to pulling off the impossible and defeating full Grandmaster/Top 500 teams to place 5th in collegiate Overwatch, only missing quarterfinals because our primary DPS player had obligations with his girlfriend, because he didn’t expect us to make it that far.

I’ve solo queue’d to GM in Overwatch on DPS and Tank, and Masters in support, solo queue diamond in Apex Legends, D2 in Valorant, Onyx in Halo Infinite on both MKB and controller, and LEM in CS:GO, among other achievements in old games long forgotten.

I graduated from UC Davis with a Bachelors of Science in Managerial Economics.

I’ve won the Sacramento Innovations Awards.

I was on a TV show with T-Pain, and played Overwatch with him, and still have him on my friend’s list.

I’ve started Vite Kitchens, with the #1 and #3 edible food Kickstarters, built my own facility from the ground up, got every certification and every license necessary myself for an FDA registered facility, created a production process so much more efficient than the current standard that the family of a large instant noodle company tried to leverage their UC Davis connections to copy and get into our facility, run the business with no investors, pulled the small business through the most brutal gauntlet for even experienced business owners of 2020 and onwards, and still run the company ethically with mental health time and concern for our workers.

And on top of all that, I have made Vite Ramen, the noodle that everyone thought was impossible. A ramen that has incredibly high protein content, a ramen that is a complete food with all your essential micro and macronutrients, a ramen that has fiber, a ramen that’s less than 50% sodium, especially when compared via weight, and a ramen that taste damn good with flavors that only get better as we learn more and more.

Fuck you, Twins. Fuck you, insecurity. Fuck you, everyone who’s doubted, everyone’s who’s scoffed and said it was impossible, fuck you, everyone who’s told me to be meeker, quieter, and to not draw attention to myself.


I am 30.

And I am damn fucking proud of everything I’ve done.

I am 30.

Watch me burn.

Watch me irritate and blind some people.

Watch me lighten and inspire others.

And join me in my journey.

Or don’t.

I’ll be blazing my trail down my own path.

And I’m just getting started.